We pass hundreds of pieces of litter every single day without batting an eye. These series of very OBVIOUSLY real short stories provide a platform for trash to tell their side of the story. Learn about the impact of cigarettes on the environment through eyes of none other than a cigarette herself, Garetta.
Look alive sweetcheeks. Garettas’ name, litter’s the game. I’ve been rolling around these gutters for almost 10 years now, and let me tell you baby doll it aint no waltz through the park… I can tell you that much.
I never dreamt of travelin much back when I lived in the Boro. We cigs wasn’t designed to be tossed about all willy nilly like, you see. We was born to be amongst a more dignified congregation. We was ‘supposed to be up on movie screens and behind back stages, not kicked ‘round with lowly creepy crawlers on curbsides.
I ‘member mamma used to tell us girls tales of great Uncle Boges up on stage with Ms. Garland and how she used to wave him ‘bout all lazy like between interviews. Well, I’d be damned if we thought bout nothin but ritz and glamor back then, the Pack and I. We used’t dream all neat in our rows ‘bout bein plucked up by the next Lennon or Hendrix, ‘bout bein pressed between the lips of greatness.
‘Course that was when we thought all cigs ended up in the same place, that we’d all grow old together in ashtrays and maybe meet a nice fella to swap caringens with along the way. Nobody never told us that we was the most littered item in the entire world. That there was over 4.5 trillion of us out there swimmin with the fishes or knockin knuckles with rodents.
All them humans think we gots one purpose in life. You gets lit up, send 70,000 chemicals up into the air, and then boom! You’re done for. Poof, just like that. Gone from riches to ruins in the flash of a lighter. Flicked outta windows like we was nothin but a bat in a cave.
Boy oh boy let me tell you, the girls did NOT take it well when they found out. I mean could you imagine? Movin from storm drain to storm drain with nothin more than a glance your way for a whole decade? It’d drive any sane cig mad.
Things got heavy with Cami real quick. She was so angry that she did get no screen time like Boges that she started tearin up outta frustration. That’s when she realized she could leak out metals. Made it her life’s mission to leach out as much Arsenic and Lead as she could into them humans waterways and soil. She even got some into the ocean that sneaky minx, she did! Thought if they didn’ ‘pprecaite her in her youth, she’d make ’em pay for it in her old age.
Ol’ Cami never did end up with them movie stars, but she made sure as hell she’d get her share of fame. Rumor has it that Cami was so good at dirtyn up water n dirt near the end of her life that the great Ms. Spears wrote a song in her honor (and all yous thought ‘Toxic’ was ‘bout some dumb ‘ol boy this whole time).
When the other boxes caught wind of what Cami was doing there was really no stoppin it. The Winston brothers got so good at pollutin everythin round ’em that plants just gave up growin and got all tiny and shrively. And don’t even get me started on what they did to those innocent little fishies. I heard half of those little fellas were floating on the top of the tank after one of those sciencing mans put Mr. Wiston in a liter of water.
Killin off plants and fishies wasnt big nough for the Maverick family. They was the real visionary types, the Mavericks. Decided goin after the mountains was the only proper way to prove the human how wrong they’d been underestimatin our kind. In ’02, one of them Maves burnt nearly 250 acres down all by himself.
Benson followed suit soon after and took on the oceans. The task was quite big for just one cig. Poor guy ended up havin a breakdown midway through floatin from the UK to South America. Turns out, it was the best thing that coulda happened for ’em, getting all tiny like into all them pieces. He was real hard to get rid of after he was so micro and mini. Did more damage than even the Mavericks coulda dreamed of.
Real shame if you ask me. Didn’t have to be this way, the discord ‘tween cigs n humans. We used’t be inseparable, back in the day. But now, my oh my how things changed. Can’t imagine things’ll get better if y’all don’t quit tossin us round like a sack of potatoes.
Mind you, we aren’t all that bad. Some of us keep to themselves and live a happy little life.
Why, just the other day I found out Mr. Kent got turned into a big ol surfboard for the Banna Pancake guy. I’ve never seen no cig have more fun than that Mr. Kent.
I’ve gotten right used’t the nomad life, myself. In fact, I quite enjoy tellin our story to you folk like you who seem to care. Never fail to impress me with the things ya’ll have done with us who’ve gone and turned sour. Breaking us down into plastic pellets and turning us into reusable products, turning us into sculptures and art or even making us into surfboards like Mr. Kent!
All I can say is stay fired up and don’t let ashholes keep you down. Life’s a drag honey, but for all love of all things smokey hold onto your butts and keep dreamin up them new lives for us little guys.